COVERING THE GREY AREAS

The nausea waters are much calmer now, even though it was a restless night's sleep. My guess is that it is normal to feel a bit apprehensive before any major surgery, even if you'd already been through the same thing a year earlier. Last year, though, I was so messed up on pain killers and muscle relaxers the two weeks leading up to surgery that I cannot remember much of what happened during that time. I didn't have the wherewithall to get nervous about anything. Maybe that was a good thing.

Keeping your spirits up and your humanity in focus after any surgery is a challenge in the best of circumstances. This surgery adds an additional element because of a lack of being able to move much at all. I am a very independent human being, who, in the blink of an eye, had to rely on another human being to take care of my most basic needs. It was hard. I know it will be hard to go back to that state once again. I know what I can do this time to at least keep my spirits up and I am doing one of those things as I write this. My hair is brewing with hair color, specifically Nice & Easy No. 112 Natural Dark Auburn. Even the cats have abandoned the room due to the ammonia fumes, which are a formidable opponent to the litter box smell. Last year I didn't even think about taking care of these little things, the little things that make you feel good, that make you feel a bit more human, not like an unkempt, knotty-haired, chipped-nailed knuckle dragger. The grey hairs shimmering in the mirror last year seemed to enforce the old-age stiffness I was feeling from the back surgery. A stiffness that, with time, went away. And now the grey hairs are going away...at least for a month.

Don't feel bad about primping yourself before this surgery. It may be a while before you'll be able to get out (remember you can't be in a car for at least two weeks). Get your hair trimmed, your nails done, your legs waxed...trust me, those little things will make a huge difference in how you look at yourself while recuperating.